a visit to my soul
i was on stairs and it was pitch black, i could not see anything at all. i was taking each step carefully , it was so hard to judge the depth i was going into because i was going down and down, all by my will not because some one had compelled me.
finally steps were over, it was plain floor now. i was bit relieved because all the way down in pitch black, i feared to fell down.
any way, i moved ahead. still it was dark --- dark and silent. now it was not darkness which scared me but that silence was scary. i could hear my blood pumping through my veins--- yes that silent.
i might have walked for 5 more min. when for the first time in hours i saw a tiny white dot. i stopped and guessed what that tiny white dot was, but could not make any sound guess. so i went further and further till that white dot grew and grew and at a point i understood that it was light, and there i was so exited and happy to see light for the first time in hours of my travel in pitch black silence.
now i was walking briskly because my eyes wanted to see something, any thing. after covering some more distance, now darkness was disappearing and i could see shadows. i had never seen such shadows before. they were tall pillars like objects but light was not enough so i could not think more.
as light grew more and more, i was now able to see things more clearly. it was as if some one has turned on a torch light in dark room. there were things i had never seen before. they were strange structures. some horrible faces, some bushes of thorns and some dead bodies and some tall buildings which was so de-shaped that i was extremely terrified by looking at them.
i wanted to go out , go to some where, any where but out of that horrible place. i moved fast , and was desperately looking for an exit when i took a turn and there i saw a green tree, which was covered with yellow followers and beneath that tree there was a small patch of lush green grass, on that grass was sitting a man in white clothes. his clothes were so white that i never saw such a white color in my life before.
that grass was so green that i could never think of any green, which could be compared with that green. and the tree, it was also something so beautiful that i could not think of any tree to compare it with.
i moved towards the man and when i reached near him, i asked him about the place i was. he heard me and looked above, WHAT---it was me!! yes it was me, but that ME was so beautiful so different and so pure that i went speechless. i could not say a word , my eyes were wide open. after recovering from that sudden shock, i got scared again, and this time i was more scared than ever before.
i said in almost un-audible voice "who are you?" but that man could hear me, he said "i am you." i stepped back a little, i wanted to run away but he suddenly spoke up with gentle tone "don't be afraid and sit down here, with me". i sat down as if all my powers to think were jammed.
he said; "you have come a long way to meet me. the way you have crossed to reach me was your heart and mind. and i am your soul."
but when did i came there to meet him, i thought , but he could hear my thoughts as well , he said "yes, you wanted to meet me. remember before you went to sleep tonight, you were crying and you wished to meet me and see me and ask me what was i doing inside you."
"yes, i was thinking all that but how could i be different from my soul." i replied, and now i as not that scared, but very puzzled.
"you made a wish and here i am. you called you LORD and HE has this ability to do anything and every thing which we can not imagine." and then paused for a min and said.
"you are not happy with your life. you think world is the worst place to live and that your stay here is not making a point. you have recently lost the girl you loved for last 5 years. she left you because you are not that rich. your friends are not sincere with you, as you think. your peers are plotting to let you down in the eyes of your boss so that your upcoming promotion can be stopped. you always run out of cash and have to pay heavy interest on your credit card. and there are many more problems with you".
"yes, it is true, but why are you mentioning all this? what is this place? why am i here? why only this place , where you sit is bright and every other place is dark?" i asked him.
he said ," you are inside you, as i said, you wanted to meet me, so to reach me you have covered this distance from your mind and then from your heart. this is my place inside you. and why my place is so small is only because of you. why your mind and heart are so dark is also only because of you. those ugly faces, dead bodies, and those horribly de-shaped buildings are you actions, small and large, and your true face."
"what are you talking about?" i was angry thing time, but he did not loose his polite tone and spoke in soft voice again
"yes--- you know you are so un-grateful for what you have. and what you have in not achieved by a huge number of people. you earn well, but spend without thinking. you earn from haram and halal sources alike. you spend your money on haram and halal without fearing ALLAH. you do not think about your akhirah, you only want to live in this duniya happily. you only want to die when you fail in achieving something. you blamed ALLAH, and you cried and you complained tonight for your losses without thinking that it was no one's fault but your's. all that darkness in your mind and heart is your suffocating thoughts and wrong intentions. because of your attitude, today i am left with only this small place inside you. when you were born, you were bright from inside, you started to grow darker and darker when you forgot ALLAH and lost yourself into this world which is not reality. your reality is me. i will be there with you on the day of akhirah, not these desires. wake up before you sleep for a long long time. because of you, i don't want to burn in hell, please save me from that horrible place, please change your attitude"
and he started crying, and i too was crying. and then---- i woke up, my face covered with tears and my heart beat extremely fast. that was a dream.
was that a horrible dream or a reminder... for me that was reminder.
a part inside me was still pure , so i decided to be pure and be bright again. it was my right to be bright, it was my responsibility to be bright and it was my success to be bright.
i was on stairs and it was pitch black, i could not see anything at all. i was taking each step carefully , it was so hard to judge the depth i was going into because i was going down and down, all by my will not because some one had compelled me.
finally steps were over, it was plain floor now. i was bit relieved because all the way down in pitch black, i feared to fell down.
any way, i moved ahead. still it was dark --- dark and silent. now it was not darkness which scared me but that silence was scary. i could hear my blood pumping through my veins--- yes that silent.
i might have walked for 5 more min. when for the first time in hours i saw a tiny white dot. i stopped and guessed what that tiny white dot was, but could not make any sound guess. so i went further and further till that white dot grew and grew and at a point i understood that it was light, and there i was so exited and happy to see light for the first time in hours of my travel in pitch black silence.
now i was walking briskly because my eyes wanted to see something, any thing. after covering some more distance, now darkness was disappearing and i could see shadows. i had never seen such shadows before. they were tall pillars like objects but light was not enough so i could not think more.
as light grew more and more, i was now able to see things more clearly. it was as if some one has turned on a torch light in dark room. there were things i had never seen before. they were strange structures. some horrible faces, some bushes of thorns and some dead bodies and some tall buildings which was so de-shaped that i was extremely terrified by looking at them.
i wanted to go out , go to some where, any where but out of that horrible place. i moved fast , and was desperately looking for an exit when i took a turn and there i saw a green tree, which was covered with yellow followers and beneath that tree there was a small patch of lush green grass, on that grass was sitting a man in white clothes. his clothes were so white that i never saw such a white color in my life before.
that grass was so green that i could never think of any green, which could be compared with that green. and the tree, it was also something so beautiful that i could not think of any tree to compare it with.
i moved towards the man and when i reached near him, i asked him about the place i was. he heard me and looked above, WHAT---it was me!! yes it was me, but that ME was so beautiful so different and so pure that i went speechless. i could not say a word , my eyes were wide open. after recovering from that sudden shock, i got scared again, and this time i was more scared than ever before.
i said in almost un-audible voice "who are you?" but that man could hear me, he said "i am you." i stepped back a little, i wanted to run away but he suddenly spoke up with gentle tone "don't be afraid and sit down here, with me". i sat down as if all my powers to think were jammed.
he said; "you have come a long way to meet me. the way you have crossed to reach me was your heart and mind. and i am your soul."
but when did i came there to meet him, i thought , but he could hear my thoughts as well , he said "yes, you wanted to meet me. remember before you went to sleep tonight, you were crying and you wished to meet me and see me and ask me what was i doing inside you."
"yes, i was thinking all that but how could i be different from my soul." i replied, and now i as not that scared, but very puzzled.
"you made a wish and here i am. you called you LORD and HE has this ability to do anything and every thing which we can not imagine." and then paused for a min and said.
"you are not happy with your life. you think world is the worst place to live and that your stay here is not making a point. you have recently lost the girl you loved for last 5 years. she left you because you are not that rich. your friends are not sincere with you, as you think. your peers are plotting to let you down in the eyes of your boss so that your upcoming promotion can be stopped. you always run out of cash and have to pay heavy interest on your credit card. and there are many more problems with you".
"yes, it is true, but why are you mentioning all this? what is this place? why am i here? why only this place , where you sit is bright and every other place is dark?" i asked him.
he said ," you are inside you, as i said, you wanted to meet me, so to reach me you have covered this distance from your mind and then from your heart. this is my place inside you. and why my place is so small is only because of you. why your mind and heart are so dark is also only because of you. those ugly faces, dead bodies, and those horribly de-shaped buildings are you actions, small and large, and your true face."
"what are you talking about?" i was angry thing time, but he did not loose his polite tone and spoke in soft voice again
"yes--- you know you are so un-grateful for what you have. and what you have in not achieved by a huge number of people. you earn well, but spend without thinking. you earn from haram and halal sources alike. you spend your money on haram and halal without fearing ALLAH. you do not think about your akhirah, you only want to live in this duniya happily. you only want to die when you fail in achieving something. you blamed ALLAH, and you cried and you complained tonight for your losses without thinking that it was no one's fault but your's. all that darkness in your mind and heart is your suffocating thoughts and wrong intentions. because of your attitude, today i am left with only this small place inside you. when you were born, you were bright from inside, you started to grow darker and darker when you forgot ALLAH and lost yourself into this world which is not reality. your reality is me. i will be there with you on the day of akhirah, not these desires. wake up before you sleep for a long long time. because of you, i don't want to burn in hell, please save me from that horrible place, please change your attitude"
and he started crying, and i too was crying. and then---- i woke up, my face covered with tears and my heart beat extremely fast. that was a dream.
was that a horrible dream or a reminder... for me that was reminder.
a part inside me was still pure , so i decided to be pure and be bright again. it was my right to be bright, it was my responsibility to be bright and it was my success to be bright.
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